Every Day is Half Past Four
by yuffiehighwind
Summary: Jason Sadler's memories are broken into fragments. These are some of them.
1. Chapter 1

**Every Day is Half Past Four**

It's never dark, always bright light, never dim never, white and bright and endlessly lonely. Time stretches on and on and maybe it stopped. Maybe it froze you here like this and even in your time that's just fiction, science fiction, but you did it, _you did it_, the machine _worked_ and you're here. Trapped by Guardians or Freelancers or maybe you're still at Riverview in the corner of the shower room babbling about going back. The idea pervades your thoughts consuming everything. Getting back, getting home, and if the Guardians/Freelancers/kidnappers/monsters can go back and forth, then why can't you?

Is it a week later or two weeks? You don't feel hungry here, your bowels don't move, there's no thirst, only air holes at the top they can close to torture you. Time _has_ to have stopped. Then why are you conscious and counting the seconds? What year is it? "What year is it?" you almost asked someone, before picking up a newspaper, because paper still exists here, and the feel of it under your fingers was alien.

Alien. Aliens. Is that what these men are? They say they're defending the timeline. Who decides what happens? You failed fail fail. Are they not satisfied you speak to ghosts, now? Like Father…always Father.

"Why is it so important to get back to 2077?" they asked at Riverview. "Did you leave a family behind? A wife, children?"

You laugh, imagining giving your girlfriend a ring and asking her to marry you, imagining her saying yes and never knowing if it was for you or the Sadler fortune.

You miss the taste of her but can't remember why.

"My father," you say. "I want..._need_ to get back to my father."

The social worker smiles and pats your hand.

Years later, Warren sneers through the glass.


	2. Chapter 2

"Is there anyone - anyone at all - we can discharge you to? A friend? Family member?"

"I'm not, um...I'm not sure. Wait, yes, my grandmother. My grandmother lives here. Ann Sadler. But she would be going by a different name now. I-I can't remember what her maiden name was."

"Can you tell us her address?"

"I...don't know that either."

"Is there _anyone_ else? Your parents, perhaps?"

"They haven't been..."

_They haven't been born yet_.

"They died."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm your grandson."

Her friendly smile swiftly vanishes and she steps back with every step of yours forward, throwing up her hands and recoiling from your touch. It breaks your heart, because this is a person you heard stories about but never got to meet. It's remarkable seeing her now because your father never showed you pictures. The ones he painted with words were few but made you smile.

She is beautiful and fiercely protective, and you both glance at the toddler in the next room, your own face wistful. It seems impossible that child is your father. You could be dreaming again, and the dreams even happen when you're awake, now, so it's plausible. You're not, though. You won't be born for another fifty years, and when you turn to meet her eyes again, she's looking at you like she can almost believe it's true. She doesn't want to, but she does.

Any other person would kick you to the curb a lot sooner. Instead she makes a pot of tea.

"So," she says, once the tea is poured and both of you have calmed down. "You'll be needing a place to stay."

You apologize for the intrusion but are grateful she's said it, because you can feel your thoughts jumble again, racing faster than your mouth can keep up. They bang into each other, not making a lick of sense to her or anyone. It's easy to dismiss the claim a man like you is a time traveler.

You're fortunate she was already married to one.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Dad," you say, and it's unreal when you hand him a toy elephant - they're extinct in your time - and he hugs it to his little chest. "I probably shouldn't be calling you that. It's against the rules."

For that reason, you hope he won't remember, but you wonder if the Alec you knew had lived this moment already. Wonder if there are no paradoxes, just an infinite loop. The Freelancers don't see it that way, but how can they know everything about time?

"You didn't tell me much about your childhood, like your own dad leaving or living on a farm. There's some cool stuff in the barn, but Ann doesn't want me going in there 'cause I might break something. It's all yours, though, someday. And you'll do so much with it. You'll be a great man. And I know Ann tells you that stuff too 'cause she's your mom and she's supposed to say that sort of thing, but I know for sure. I've seen it."

Alec marches the toy elephant across the rug like it's the savannah.

"I don't know what'll happen in 2012, but for now you're safe, with her."

You gently pat your father on the head and he looks up.

"Enjoy it."


	5. Chapter 5

"I can schedule a meeting with Mr. Sadler for next Tuesday at 9:30."

"You don't understand. My name is Jason Sadler. I'm his son."

When you walk past the PA's desk, he leaps up from his chair to block your path.

"I'm under strict orders, sir. No visitors without an appointment."

You're torn between threatening to fire the man and appealing to his compassionate side. There is a picture of his family on the desk - a husband and two children. All you've ever wanted was a real relationship with your father, but lately he won't return your calls. He won't visit on most holidays either, and he doesn't reach out to you unless he needs something. It's not just since you've gone to university, when families usually lose touch. (Especially since you traveled far away, attending MIT in Boston and interning at the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen.) You were still a child when he withdrew his affection, like he'd forgotten he had a son at all until someone reminded him.

"Please. I haven't seen him in months."

The PA stares you down until you back away from the door.

"Then you should have made an appointment."

You reluctantly comply. After a brief, tense silence, you comment, "You have a lovely family," gesturing to the picture.

"Thank you," he says cautiously.

"How old are your daughters?"

"Seven and ten."

"I don't have any children, not yet. But if I did..."

You let the incomplete thought hang in the air.

"I'm sorry Mr. Sadler, but I have to ask you to leave."

With one last look at your father's door, (and he probably isn't there after all), you turn to go, saying, "I'll be back Tuesday at 9:30."

* * *

**_To be continued..._**

* * *

**_Story Notes:_**

_*Riverview Hospital was a psychiatric facility located in Coquitlam, BC, just outside Vancouver. It closed in 2012. It was the hospital that faced a lot of controversy in the early 1990s when it discharged hundreds of patients to cut costs, which is something Jason mentions to Kiera in S1E10, Endtimes, though he doesn't mention Riverview by name._

_*Warren was the leader of the Freelancers, second to Catherine, in Seasons 2 and 3._

_*When Alec takes the drug Flash in S2E3, Second Thoughts, he remembers Ann and Jason having an argument. It's possible this is when she met Jason for the first time. When Alec brings this up in S2E12, Second Last, Jason says he lived with them for a while, but had to leave to protect them. In S3E3, Minute to Win It, it's revealed that Ann knew Marc faked his death and became Mr. Escher. It's possible Ann believed Marc and Jason really were time travelers._

_*The title is a slightly tweaked lyric from the song Thorazine Shuffle by Savatage._


End file.
